Sunday, December 30, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
We are what we say
Some semi-recent conversations and quotes:
Boss1: "The best time to leave the party is when you're having the most fun."
Me: "You only say that because when you're having the most fun is when you finally convince some chick to go home with you."
Boss1: "That is a pretty good time to leave the party."
Me: "Aren't you married?"
Boss1: "Only when I'm home."
Me: "Yea that guy's an idiot, I'm short his pay two years forward."
Dude: "You can talk, I'd be short your pay now. There are so many people ready to fire you."
Chick: "You know, that's probably dangerous. If I were to place a bet on his career, I'd buy a straddle."
Me: "You mean you'd like to straddle me. That's not the same as buying a straddle."
Chick: giggles "very funny, I mean I'd buy vol on your pay."
Me: "I like the straddle idea better."
Chick: "You're either going to get fired for saying things like that or you're going to end up very rich."
Me: "And if you straddle me you can take part in the upside."
Chick: "Make love to me."
Me: "Uh. . . no."
. . . silence. . .
Chick: "Sometimes I think you turn down sex just to be different."
Me: "Sometimes, yes. But sometimes there are better reasons."
Chick: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Me: "I just said that to be different."
Chick: "You could get so much more ass if you weren't such an ass."
Me: "Really."
Chick: "Yes, and you know it too! That's what's so frustrating!"
Me: "I dont think I want more ass. I tend to like my girls asses quite small. More is not better."
Chick: "You know what I mean."
Me: "You're just trying to convince me not to be an ass so that I would sleep with your big ass."
Chick: "I'm never talking to you agian."
Me: "That's a lie."
Chick: "No! It's not!"
Me: "See, you just talked to me again."
--I haven't heard from this girl since--
Boss2: "It's contageous like the clap!"
Me: "We should buy the spread."
Boss3: "Which spread?"
silence
Boss3: "hey, which spread?"
Me: ". . . That one." pointing to a girl
Boss3: "You know she's lesbian, right?" (whispering)
Me: "Really? No way! No wonder there's no offer. I'd so overpay for that spread." (Not whispering)
Me: "I'd like three jack and diets and your number."
Bartender: "Three jack and diets. My number's on the back of the receipt."
Me: "Wow, I can't believe that worked."
Boss1: "The best time to leave the party is when you're having the most fun."
Me: "You only say that because when you're having the most fun is when you finally convince some chick to go home with you."
Boss1: "That is a pretty good time to leave the party."
Me: "Aren't you married?"
Boss1: "Only when I'm home."
Me: "Yea that guy's an idiot, I'm short his pay two years forward."
Dude: "You can talk, I'd be short your pay now. There are so many people ready to fire you."
Chick: "You know, that's probably dangerous. If I were to place a bet on his career, I'd buy a straddle."
Me: "You mean you'd like to straddle me. That's not the same as buying a straddle."
Chick: giggles "very funny, I mean I'd buy vol on your pay."
Me: "I like the straddle idea better."
Chick: "You're either going to get fired for saying things like that or you're going to end up very rich."
Me: "And if you straddle me you can take part in the upside."
Chick: "Make love to me."
Me: "Uh. . . no."
. . . silence. . .
Chick: "Sometimes I think you turn down sex just to be different."
Me: "Sometimes, yes. But sometimes there are better reasons."
Chick: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Me: "I just said that to be different."
Chick: "You could get so much more ass if you weren't such an ass."
Me: "Really."
Chick: "Yes, and you know it too! That's what's so frustrating!"
Me: "I dont think I want more ass. I tend to like my girls asses quite small. More is not better."
Chick: "You know what I mean."
Me: "You're just trying to convince me not to be an ass so that I would sleep with your big ass."
Chick: "I'm never talking to you agian."
Me: "That's a lie."
Chick: "No! It's not!"
Me: "See, you just talked to me again."
--I haven't heard from this girl since--
Boss2: "It's contageous like the clap!"
Me: "We should buy the spread."
Boss3: "Which spread?"
silence
Boss3: "hey, which spread?"
Me: ". . . That one." pointing to a girl
Boss3: "You know she's lesbian, right?" (whispering)
Me: "Really? No way! No wonder there's no offer. I'd so overpay for that spread." (Not whispering)
Me: "I'd like three jack and diets and your number."
Bartender: "Three jack and diets. My number's on the back of the receipt."
Me: "Wow, I can't believe that worked."
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